Sunday, May 11, 2014

After a Disappointing Occurrence...

…we all feel like giving up. The UNM hospital was our last chance at getting help, or answers of some kind, but the atmosphere was too much to bare. My grandfather took his wife there as instructed by PACE, the doctor was great, but according to grandpa, the nurses were very careless and neglectful during their entire 6 hour visit.

It was very disheartening when he came home with the look of helplessness across his face. We all thought that this was it and we were stuck in a hostile and chaotic situation with no possibility of relief.

I came close to doing something about it myself, whatever that would have entailed. Luckily, grandpa contacted a respite facility that is currently trying to work something out with pace. This would mean the option for full time care, in or out of the house.

To be honest, I can't continue down this path of unchanging distress. Living with someone who has early onset Alzheimer's has depleted my energy, social ability, and spirit. The psychotic episodes and constant hysterical behavior from her disease is unforgivingly exhausting, especially for grandpa. We currently see the toll its taking on his health in more ways than one.

May I add the embarrassment it causes when she has an accident on the living room carpet, or the violent outbursts, the bruises on our arms, the ear piercing vocalization and hissing all coming from one very sick individual. She continues to throw things and clear surfaces on a daily basis. Its driving us all insane, running us down in every way…daily!

I'm done getting my hopes up, all I can do is hope for the best, expect the worst and take it as it comes. I have too many years ahead of me to spend them like this, too many talents waiting to be mastered, too many lives to impact. This can't be it, my life can't be over yet.

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